Joker's Amazing Crowbar Collection
by The.Shadow.Night
Summary: Batman and Robin are kidnapped by the Joker, so he can 'introduce' them to his many crowbars. One Shot, straight up crack. Now a collection of one shots, written by myself and Mist-of-our-Souls.


**Joker's Amazing Crowbar Collection**

Robin woke up, slowly lifting his cheek from the cold, stone floor. "Batman?" He called out.

Hearing no reply, he slowly pushed himself to his feet. Looking up, he saw he was in a small room. Batman was right next to him, on the floor, and unconscious.

Robin decided it would be best to remember what happened, so he sat down and concentrated.

He had been fighting Joker, when he had thrown out some sort of toxin. What was that? It must have been something to knock them out, clearly, but what was it?

Robin lingered on the thought, not noticing when Batman slowly rose to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Asked Batman.

"Yes."

"Good."

Then, Joker walked through the door, pulling a cart of crowbars. Batman rose an eyebrow- not because of the crowbars, but because of the fact that they had doll clothes on them. With little hats.

"Hi guys!" Joker said.

"What do you want, Joker?"

"Is there anything wrong with wanting to meet up with my friends?"

"You have friends?" said Robin.

"Yes. You!"

"... Besides us?"

"I have tons of friends. Want to meet them?"

"No," said Batman.

"Too bad."

Some thugs came in and cuffed the Dark Knight and the Boy Wonder. Obviously, they were still slightly drugged, otherwise the thugs would have had no chance against the Dynamic Duo.

Soon, they were all sitting around a round table, with a very ticked Bat. Robin and Batman were chained to the chairs they were sitting at. Until they could pick the locks, they would have to suffer through whatever crazy torture the Joker had thought of this time.

"This one is Martha." Joker said, pulling a pink crowbar up onto the table.

"I don't care," Batman growled.

"But Martha ran out of lip gloss, so she had to borrow mine."

"Good for Martha."

"Do you know why she wears lip gloss?"

"I don't care."

"She's trying to impress Jerry."

"Who?" Robin broke in.

"Jerry. He's fat."

"... How is a crowbar fat?"

"Wanna see it?"

"No." Batman said grumpily.

Joker made his voice really low. "I'm Batman. I'm grumpy. RAH RAH RAH."

"... What in the world was that?"

"You."

"Uh huh."

"Anyways, this is Jerry." He pulled out a crowbar that was really thick. "Oh no~! Martha's blushing~!"

Batman rolled his eyes. The Joker made the two crowbars kiss. Then, he placed on on top of each other.

"No, Martha, we can't. We aren't married!" He made Jerry say.

"Oh Jerry, nothing can harm us, no matter what."

Then, he made kissy noises, before pulling up a small piece of cotton, sticking it up Martha's shirt.

"Oh dear, now I'm pregnant!"

"Oh nooo!"

Then, the piece of cotton was gone, and in it's place was a mini crowbar, about two inches long.

"We shall name it Toby."

He then put a diaper on 'Toby'.

Batman just stared as he put the three into a small house. Then, he pulled out another one, but this one was brown and it had a tuxedo on. Next to it, he set a small silver tray.

"This one smells like cookies."

"That's nice."

"And it's a butler."

"Good for it."

"Wanna sniff it?"

"No." Batman grunted.

Robin disagreed. "I do!"

_Sniff Sniff _

"Woah, it does!"

"I know, right?"

"You should sniff it, Batman," Joker said as Robin smiled.

"No."

"Please?" Joker said, putting the crowbar on Batman's face.

"No."

"Sniff it."

"No."

"Sniff it."

"No."

"Sniff it."

"No."

"Sniff it."

"No."

"Sniff it."

"No."

"Sniff it."

"No."

"Please?"

"Fine."

"Really?!"

"No."

"Please sniff Alfred?"

"Alfred?"

"The crowbar butler that smells like cookies!"

"No."

"Fine then."

He pulled out a blood stained Black one.

"This is Jason, but he isn't supposed to exist for another few years."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Okayyy..."

"Wanna see Bruce?"

"What?"

"Bruce. Wanna see him?"

"No."

"To bad... again!"

Batman rolled his eyes, for what seemed to be the millionth time.

Joker pulled out a black crowbar with a Bat symbol on it.

"I named it Bruce."

"Why?"

"It looks like a Bruce."

"Okay then..."

"It's rich."

"How?"

"It works at the repair shop, for when the crowbars get dented."

"I don't really care."

Joker pouted. "You should care."

That's when the power inexplicably went out.

"Oh no!" Joker screamed. "Toby's scared!"

Batman fought the urge to facepalm. Batman was too dark and scary to do such a thing. He was vengence. He was the night. He was the freaking Batman. Batman didn't succumb to such silly urges.

When the lights came back on, all the crowbars were being hugged by Joker.

He was trying to calm them down, by singing some sort of song.

"Crowbars it will be okay,  
Daddy will be here to stay,  
Nothing will get in the way,  
Crowbars it will be okay."

Batman just stared in disbelief.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"What?"

"Your singing... to inanimate objects."

"Your point is?"

"..."

"I thought so."

They all stared at each other for a moment, before Joker jumped on the table.

"THIS IS CLARK!" Joker jumped off the table, and happily walked over to Batman. "He flies."

The crowbar was a greenish color, obviously Kryptonite, and It had a small red cape.

"Wanna see it fly?"

"No."

Joker shrugged, and screamed, "FLY CLARK, FLY!"

Then, he threw the crowbar, and it got wedged in the ceiling.

Joker stared at it. "Look at how well he flies!"

They all shared a silent moment, before joker reached down, and grabbed a yellow one.

"This one is Jordan."

"Okay..."

"It has an odd attraction to jewelry."

"What kind?" asked Robin.

"Nothing much, mainly rings."

"No one cares," Batman mumbled.

"Well. Snarky pants."

Robin giggled.

"But, anyways, we don't really have time for anything else..."

"So now we fight?"

"Is your entire life based on violence?"

"..."

"No, we aren't going to fight," Joker said, rolling his eyes.

He opened a door, and waved to them as they walked out. "The Batmobile is on your right!"

Batman kept walking with Robin following along.

"Come back soon!"

* * *

**Haha, i just had to do this :) -Breeze**


End file.
